fight, or the lion wins
/A couple weeks ago I wrote about five favorite strategies of the Enemy.
Funny how, as soon as the words were written and the post was published, I immediately started seeing those strategies slither one by one into my days - quietly wrapping around me and subtly cinching tighter around my mind, my resolve - choking away, in only the most sympathetic of ways, the words of Truth I'm trying to pour out in this blog.
Distraction - worrying that my writing technique isn't quite perfect enough to carry the weight of such truth, that my readers are skimming and skipping because I can't do it justice, that the small criticisms I've received are treacherous mountains that will be impossible to overcome. I have been pulled away from the thrill of the message I get to share by the fear of doing it not-quite-right.
Discouragement - checking the stats, seeing how few followers of my first blog have chosen to carry over and continue this truth-search with me, noticing that if I don't share a post on Facebook it hardly sees the light of day. I've wondered if it's worth it to write all this if my audience is never more than a few precious friends and family. And I've fought with wanting it to be more about me and my own personal spotlight than about the plan of God.
Discontentment - today I found myself wandering through the maze of Facebook for a bit too long and happened upon a woman's blog about theology. I wondered if she felt any of the same fears as I do, and I ungratefully assumed to myself that her followers were far more abundant and engaged than mine. I saw that she had a Master's of Divinity and had gone to Moody, and ugly green jealousy nearly strangled me. Everything I have always wanted. It isn't fair.
And how compassionate sounds the voice of the Evil One when he is trying to kill a ministry or break down a walk with God.
Did God really say...?
You deserve more than this...
I know, I know, no one appreciates you. God is practically throwing out your talent. Poor, poor Hallie...
STOP.
Just stop.
My words are certainly weak, but God's Word is powerful.
For the Word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. - Hebrews 4:12
My audience is few, but no less in need of the proclamation of the truth than an audience of millions.
We proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ. - Colossians 1:28
Many others may be doing it better or differently, but my job is to obey MY call.
Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them. . . . So Peter seeing him said to Jesus, "Lord, what about this man?" Jesus said to him, "If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!" - John 21:20a, 21-22
