top 20 events of the decade

I have to confess how much I LOVE brand new years. I absolutely hate New Year’s Eve, because I don’t like goodbyes and endings and changes, but once the calendar rolls over, I feel like a kid leaping into a yard of fresh-fallen snow. The effect is doubled this year because it’s not only a new year, but a new decade as well.

I also love lists. Possibly to a fault. We have a Sunday cleaning list at my work, and to the annoyance of my supervisors, I’ve been known to forsake all other duties and ignore all other interruptions to get the boxes checked off.

Looking out into this crisp-clean new year, I see a blank canvas that’s just waiting to hold all my lists. To do lists, blog idea lists, goal lists, lists of my favorite words, lists of Bible readings… I can make pretty much anything into a list. And so I’m kicking off the year with a list I’ve been waiting with baited breath to create: the 20 most influential moments and events of my life in the past decade.

The last time a new decade commenced, I was not quite 16 years old. Looking back from that point, I could see little more than a succession of childhood years. Perhaps this is one of the delights of getting older: When I look back this time, there are more changes, yes, and more heartaches and difficulties, but there is also a clearer view of God’s hand and guidance over every moment.


My top 20 life events of the past decade


1. Started my first blog (March 2010)

Internet accessibility was skyrocketing and digital camera prices were plummeting and blogging was in its heyday at the beginning of the last decade—the same perfect convergence of factors that drew countless others into blogging persuaded me, as well. I started with a free Blogger site to share a lot of photos and join a lot of linkups, but over time, blogging became a way to share my life with distant friends, a source of solace, a processing mechanism, and ultimately, a venue to share what I was learning at Bible school. I don’t think I’d have this blog today if I didn’t have that blog then.

2. Took Mrs. KRuse’s AP English Class (2010-2011)

Everything about going to public high school for the very first time after being exclusively homeschooled changed my life in some way, but Mrs. Kruse’s AP English class has had an effect that reached further than I ever could have imagined. All those hours poring over Shakespeare and London and Joyce, trying to discern the literary clues and hammering out persuasive essays in 54 minutes or less, have actually become skills I heavily rely on in my study of the Bible. More and more as the years go by I am learning what a literary masterpiece the Bible is, on top of being God’s living Word, and so it has made an incredible difference to know how to think critically, examine carefully, and respond creatively.

3. Went to the Grace Brethren District Conference in Surrey, B.C. (March 2011)

This was the first time I had ever left the United States, but the real reason it makes the list is because I heard an in-depth teaching on Psalm 23 and met a man named Dr. Randall D. Smith. I didn’t know it at the time, but this event was one of those that marks a division in time, a shift in the entire course of my life. I learned about Great Commission Bible Institute that day, and I immediately resolved to apply for admission. I was so hungry to learn the Word of God, and thus began my quest to be filled—a quest that, by the grace of God, has never ended since.

4. Got unlimited texting with my cell service plan (November 2011)

This may seem like a small thing, but unlimited texting might very well be the primary reason I married the person I married, and therefore would be a foundational reason for most everything else in my present life. Even though Sam and I grew up together, our entire romantic relationship (and the several years preceding) was long-distance. We emailed back and forth sometimes, but being able to text each other full, instant conversations is what actually made us both realize how much we had in common and enjoyed each other’s company.

5. Started dating Sam (February 25, 2012)

I was barely eighteen and I look back like “What was I thinking getting into a serious relationship at that age?!” but God worked it out, as He always does.

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6. Climbed Mount Adams (August 7, 2012)

This had been on my bucket list for quite awhile, and it still sticks out to me as something of a metaphor for what the next couple years of my life would hold. I learned to put one foot in front of the other and keep climbing, no matter how endless the snowface or how steep the drop.

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7. Went to GCBI in Sebring, Florida (2012-2013)

Another of those events that split time for me: there is “before GCBI” and there is “after GCBI.” This was the first time I had ever lived away from my home and family in Washington, and I really had no ties in Florida to build on. It was a time of extreme stretching emotionally, socially, and mentally. I remember it now as the best and the hardest thing I have ever done. I came to know God and His Word that year in a way I didn’t realize was possible this side of glory, and that’s a gift I will eternally treasure.

8. Went through an eating/exercise disorder (2012-2013)

The Enemy opposition to my time in GCBI was some of the most brutal I have faced in my life, and some of it came in the form of what I can only describe as an addiction to self-destruction. Prodded by self-loathing and sustained by the sense of control I derived from it, I beat my body down with excessive exercise and minimal nutrition. I include this on the list because it, too, was used by God to transform my life in a beautiful way. When enough was enough, He allowed me to sustain an injury that prevented me from doing even the gentlest exercise. He broke the spirit of control I had cultivated and drew me back to Himself. I still can’t use any kind of food tracking or restriction in a healthy way, and so I live by the law of moderation and I choose to trust that He made my body good.

9. Wrote my first study of a Biblical passage (March 2013)

It took me a good six or seven months in Bible school to feel confident teaching a full Bible study. I started with part of a Psalm that mattered deeply to me while I was walking through my eating and exercise issues—Psalm 139. I still remember sending it to Kirsten, my dorm parent, for approval and asking, “Do you see any heresy in here?” (She said no.) If you’re curious, you can find it here. So began the next seven years (and hopefully more) of writing and sharing the Truth.

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10. Studied abroad & got baptized in Israel (May 2013)

Studying the Bible under Pastor Randy for a year brought the Bible to life for me, but going to the Holy Land where it all took place painted it in color. We traveled from the Mediterranean coast to Mount Carmel and through the Galilee and Golan regions, and we spent time in the Judean Desert and Jerusalem. It seems strange and possibly cliche to say, but there is no better way I know to describe Israel than familiar. It felt very much like home, even though it is vastly different from anywhere I have ever been. I started planning my next trip before I even left.

11. Lived at home again (July 2013-February 2014)

I suppose this doesn’t seem like an event worthy of “most impactful of the decade,” but for me it was. These six months at home were both a discipline in surrender and a season to treasure. After so much time away, and with a wedding on the horizon, I relished every day with my sisters and my parents and our simple life; at the same time, it was a challenge to feel at peace in the quiet after a year of jetsetting and change. I have learned that for me, courage is to sit still, and obedience often looks like putting down roots when I’d rather be chasing some big mission around the world.

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12. Married Sam (February 22, 2014)

We got dressed up with our friends and family, took portraits in the cemetery, worshiped Jesus together, said “I do,” walked back down the aisle to the Star Wars Throne Room Theme, ate ice cream sundaes, and drove off into the sunset as man and wife. I was never going to be the bride who saw her wedding day as magical or walked into marriage with rose-colored glasses, and both wedding and marriage have been far from perfect (sometimes not even pretty), but God has been in the midst of us always.

13. Read through the Bible in 180 days for the first time (January-June 2014)

I’ve read through the Bible in eight days before, so you wouldn’t think a 180-day readthrough would be the one to make the list, but it does because this challenge—run by my friend and mentor, Pastor Aaron—is what inspired me to start my own Bible180 Challenge a couple years later. Since then, hundreds of people have read through the Bible with me for the first six months of the year, and spending time with the full story of the Bible like this has greatly strengthened my faith and my relationship with God.

14. Started this blog (May 2016)

I really didn’t know what direction I wanted to go when I began creating this site nearly four years ago, but I knew I needed a place to share all that God was teaching me, and I needed it to feel like my own space. I had outgrown Blogger and it no longer felt like home. Though this is still a pretty modest space, I had no idea that Sehnsucht would grow so much, or that I would grow so much with it.

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15. Camped & hiked in Banff, Alberta (June 2017)

I’m a hardcore homebody and lover of travel and adventure at the same time, so the actual getting out into the world can be hard, but once I’m there I never regret it. It’s hard to stay self-absorbed in my own little world of worries when I am standing under mountains as vast as these.

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16. Spent a weekend in San Diego with my sister (August 2017)

Besides being one of the most hilarious and delightful weekends of my life, this trip is on the list because it showed me that I am braver than I think I am, and I can do more than I think I can do. Public transit and city bus routes in large metropolitan areas have always terrified me, and while we certainly didn’t have perfectly smooth sailing, we did manage to get everywhere we needed to go! (And we got to watch Arrogate race in the Pacific Classic, so there’s that!)

17. Grieved, feared, & doubted (2018)

The year 2018 was the kind of year that I’ll always remember shrouded in the darkness of heartbreak and grief. Everything turned upside down, almost from the moment the year began—I felt as if I didn’t recognize my own life anymore, and sometimes I wasn’t sure I knew myself or God either. But as sad and scary as it was, I am beginning to catch glimpses of the ways that God held me in His lovingkindness even when I doubted His very capacity to love me, and of the evidence that this testing will one day bring forth gold.

18. Created a devotional, released a study journal, and wrote a book on how to study the Bible (2018-2019)

Of all that the past decade has held, this is one of the things I am most proud of. I have been writing books and stories since I was ten years old, and now I have two books published and one that will (Lord willing) make its debut in the new decade. Bedrock, the book that has yet to be released, has been both passion project and labor of love—forty-something-thousand words on my favorite topic (how to study the Bible for yourself), plus thoughtful activities and study aids. I don’t know where God plans to use it, but if it helps just one or two hungry people learn how to feed themselves on the Truth, it is enough.

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19. Returned to Israel (February 2019)

I can’t express what it meant to go back to Israel for the second time, six years after I was first there on my study tour with GCBI. More than that, to share the experience with my husband and my brother was unforgettable. We walked where Jesus walked, sailed the Sea of Galilee, floated the Dead Sea, explored the maze of Old City Jerusalem, and fell in love all over again with the Holy Land.

20. Started my new job at a local produce market (August 2019)

Maybe you noticed that my top 20 events of the last decade don’t include much in the way of graduations, higher education, degrees, or career. And that’s fitting. I am a lifelong learner who set aside the official title of “student” relatively early. I’m a creative and an innovator who decided to teach the Bible for free on the internet instead of go out and make a lot of money. I’ve had plenty of odd jobs here and there in the last ten years, but each one made me feel more and more like I didn’t belong in the world with everyone else… until now. I was probably more surprised than anyone when a part-time job in retail turned out to be one of the highlights of my year. I get to spend my days caring for fruits and vegetables, chatting with my coworkers about the least important things, and serving the public one five-minute interaction at a time—and for some mysterious reason, this introverted, anti-small-talk Bible nerd loves it.


Happy New Decade!


Rest assured, 2020 will bring many more lists to this blog. ;) How did God work in YOUR life in the last decade?

because he lives

It’s so loud.

It’s too loud to hear God’s voice here.

That’s what I thought as I walked the Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem, trying so hard to concentrate on Jesus’ walk to the cross but finding that a nearly impossible quest in the face of incessant interruptions - people, voices, languages, vehicles - all screaming to be heard and bouncing off ancient stone everything, with nothing to cushion, nothing to quiet. All I wanted was a shred of peace to cling to and an inch of brainspace to care about what my Savior accomplished for me so many years ago.

I found it in a cistern.

We walked into a tiny, unassuming Coptic church a few steps off the beaten path, and stooped down into a tight and steep underground stairway. It opened up into a partly-full underground water cistern deep beneath the clamoring city, cut into the side of the hill we call Calvary. Its location, so near where Jesus died and was raised, makes it a likely sanctuary for the very first Christians who sought to worship together in some degree of safety from the loud, God-hating world.

The inside of the cistern

The inside of the cistern

There, our voices echoed off the water and the rock, enriching our a cappella versions of “The Old Rugged Cross” and “Because He Lives,” remembering the longstanding heritage of our faith - the great cloud of witnesses that has gone before us - and remembering that this call is a hard one. A death sentence, even. Sometimes physically, but always spiritually.

But because He lives, I can face tomorrow.

That’s what my Savior accomplished for me - a future and a hope. Life everlasting.

Because HE lives.

streams in the desert

Experiencing Israel in February versus May was like going to two different countries. The brilliant emerald green fields bejeweled with wildflowers bore no resemblance to the many shades of gold that characterized the entire landscape for my first visit. That time, whether we were in Galilee or the Negev, the color range was only as broad as warm beige to deep rust. I loved it, but the rainbow of color I got to see this time was simply beyond words.

But the wilderness around the Dead Sea looked just as I remembered: reddish-tinted rock mountains under a hazy-blue sky, reaching down to the crystalline edges of the Dead Sea. After several days in lush Galilee, this was an adjustment. I might even admit that I was underwhelmed.

But then I sat under the trees at Ein Gedi, an oasis in the middle of this wilderness - a place where the water runs crystal clear over a bed of smooth stones, cutting its way through the rough chalk mountains under the watchful eyes of many a cliffside cave. The birds were all but bursting with song over the sound of the humming brook.

And I thought of David, not yet crowned king, hiding there from jealous Saul. He was hated and hunted down for no legitimate reason, waiting for God to come through on His promise, afraid for his life.

So he wrote songs. Songs of pleading, lament, praise, and prayer.

The desert is a harsh place, and yet sometimes, hidden there in the rocks, God gives a lush abundance of Himself.

Galilee was beautiful, rich, familiar. But at the foot of the falls of Ein Gedi, I was reminded that God did transforming and eternal work there, too. I don’t have to restlessly search for the place that seems green and home-like because God is still working in the land that is lonely, monochrome, and difficult.

And the longer I spent in that wilderness, the more evident its loveliness became.


Psalm 57

For the choir director; set to Al-tashheth. A Mikhtam of David, when he fled from Saul in the cave.

Be gracious to me, O God, be gracious to me,
For my soul takes refuge in You;
And in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge
Until destruction passes by.
I will cry to God Most High,
To God who accomplishes all things for me.
He will send from heaven and save me;
He reproaches him who tramples upon me. Selah.
God will send forth His lovingkindness and His truth.

My soul is among lions;
I must lie among those who breathe forth fire,
Even the sons of men, whose teeth are spears and arrows
And their tongue a sharp sword.
Be exalted above the heavens, O God;
Let Your glory be above all the earth.
They have prepared a net for my steps;
My soul is bowed down;
They dug a pit before me;
They themselves have fallen into the midst of it. Selah.

My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises!
Awake, my glory!
Awake, harp and lyre!
I will awaken the dawn.
I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the peoples;
I will sing praises to You among the nations.
For Your lovingkindness is great to the heavens
And Your truth to the clouds.
Be exalted above the heavens, O God;
Let Your glory be above all the earth.